“A Straight Line!” He Declares; “A Gentle Curve?” She Asks Another gentle habit of the gentle sex that, unfortunately, drives men stark raving berserk is that she hints at something she wants, or she turns it into the form of a tentative gentle question.

I was on a Sunday outing last fall with a couple who had just started dating each other. Susan and Jake were riding in the front seat and I was in the back as we headed upstate to see the changing leaves. After we had been on the thruway for about an hour, Sue turned to Jake, who was driving, and asked, “Golly, would you like to stop for a coffee?”

“Nah,” Jake said. A little miffed, Susan turned around and looked at me. We just shrugged at each other.
A little while later, she tried again. “Gosh, Jake, do you think there might be a rest area coming up soon?”
“I’m not sure,” he answered.
Five miles later Jake whizzed by a rest stop with a big “Fresh Hot Coffee” sign out front. Susan turned around to me with wide eyes and that ”Can you believe this brute?” look on her face. She leaned back and crossed her arms. I could tell she was upset.

Poor Susan. I finally decided I should speak up. “Uh, Jake,” I said, “I think Susan wanted to stop for a cup of coffee.”
“Well, why didn’t she say so?” Jake asked, genuinely confused.
“But I did!” Susan grumbled.
“Gee, Sue, I must not have heard you.” I could tell that Jake was beginning to think his new girlfriend was a bit moody. “Sure,” he said. “We’ll stop at the next restaurant.”

Was Jake being insensitive? Not at all. He was merely taking Susan’s questions literally. Did he want coffee? No. Did he think a restaurant was nearby? He wasn’t sure.

Was Susan overreacting? Not at all. If Jake was ignoring her wishes as she thought he was, she had every right to be angry. But he wasn’t. He was just thinking like a man.

Susans and Jakes all over America are plummeting head-first into the communications gap on first dates. Many emerge rubbing their wounds and vowing not to go out with the other ever again.
When smart tourists go to Paris, they learn a little French to avoid being shunned by the Parisians.
When smart Hunters and Huntresses go out on dates, they learn a few opposite-sex phrases to avoid inadvertently turning off their Quarry.

DON’T HINT-SAY IT STRAIGHT
Huntresses, realize that your Quarry will take your questions literally. When you want something, say “I
want” or “I’d like to.” When you really mean I, avoid phrases like “Would you like to” or “Do you think we should . . .?”

Gentlemen, for you the reverse is true. For example, on a long drive with your Quarry, you’re dying to stop for lunch. Instead of just saying “I’m hungry” and making a sharp swerve into the next fast-food joint, ask her if she’d like something to eat. She’ll probably answer, “Would you?” After you say yes, ask her what kind of food she think, would be good. Let her answer. Then you can make a sharp swerve for the nearest grub.

PUT SOME SOFT CURVES IN YOUR CONVERSATION
Hunters, instead of telling her what the two of you are going to do, ask her opinion first. Also, when your
Quarry asks you a question, don’t take it literally. Read between the lines to see what she’s hinting at. When she asks, “Would you like to,” it probably means she would like to.

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There are a few more ropes to learn in the shaky bridge that spans the perilous communications gap. One of them is discovering how to keep the love knot tied even when your partner is upset. Hunters, it’s easier for you, because you need to learn only one phrase. Gentlemen, when she looks obsessed, angry, pre-occupied, or annoyed, use the magic phrase. Ready? Here it is: “Do you want to talk about it?”

Men, when trials and tribulations come tumbling down on a buddy, you’re accustomed to clamming up or punching your pal’s shoulder and saying, “Ah, it’ll all work out. Don’t worry about it.” However, if you give your female Quarry this brand of consolation, a flag goes up in her brain which waves, “Insensitive man. The brute doesn’t want me to bother him with my problems.”

Let her know you are there for her. Even if she grumbles, “No, I don’t want to talk about it,” persevere. Say, “Come on, I know you’ll feel better if you talk about it. I’d really like you to share your feelings with me.” Then the dam will burst. Be prepared to be drenched with whatever is bothering her, but never fear. All you have to do is close your mouth and listen.

Listen the way a woman listens, not like a man. To many men, listening means getting the wax out of their ears just long enough to gather sufficient data and then offering their solution. Women listen to each other knowing that they need to get whatever is bothering them out of their systems. Let your Quarry talk. As her stream of consciousness starts to slow to a trickle, you may probe and possibly offer gentle suggestions to show you are concerned about her problem. But do not feel you must solve her problem. Do not feel it is your responsibility. Do not feel as though she is blaming you. Simply listen.

TELL ME ABOUT IT
Hunters, when your Quarry is upset, beg her to tell you about it. Then listen—like a woman listens. It makes you a more loving man in your Quarry’s eyes. Huntresses, when your Quarry is angry, disturbed, or upset you have even less lines to learn than a man. In fact, don’t deliver any lines at all. Simply close your mouth. Respect his silence the way one of his buddies would. Men are not accustomed to sharing their feelings, so if you insist he talk about it, you’re asking him to twirl his hips in an exotic fandango that he never learned.

Incidentally, Huntresses, there is an added benefit to respecting his silence: You do not become associated with his distress. When the storm has blown over, you will be his refuge from the internal tempest he suffered, not part of it.

You can let him know you are supportive, sympathetic, and definitely there for him . . . in one sentence or less. Say, “Of course you’re upset and if you’d like to talk about it, I’m here for you.” Period. Then just go about your own business. Do not be hurt if he chooses not share it with you. In his terms, he is demonstrating his respect for you by not burdening you with his problem.

WHEN HE’S MAD, STAY MUTE
Huntresses, if your male Quarry is upset about something that has nothing to do with you, do not smoke him out of his foxhole. Do not make him feel guilty for not telling you about it. Let him know you’re there if he wants to share, but give him the freedom to burrow in his foxhole until he is ready to crawl out all by himself.

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“I’ve kissed a guy… I’ve kissed guys. I just haven’t felt that thing…. That thing… that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy, and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that that person is the only person you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. And you wanna laugh and you wanna cry, ‘cause you feel so lucky that you’ve found it, and so scared that it’ll go away all at the same time.”
Drew Barrymore; from the movie “Never Been Kissed”

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“This kind of certainty comes, but once in a lifetime.”
Clint Eastwood, from the movie “Bridges of Madison County”

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“My darling girl, when are you going to understand that being normal is not neccessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage.”
Aunt Frances, from the movie “Practical Magic”

“I want you to get swept away. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture, dance like a dervish.”
From the movie “Meet Joe Black”

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“We are who we are, how we got here doesn’t matter. What matters is- what do we do know?”
From the movie “Deep End of The Ocean”

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