The more you understand about any subject, the more interesting it becomes. As you read this article you’ll find that the subject of communication problem is certainly no exception. When partners are having problems, they often say that the problem is communication. What exactly does this mean? What are they trying to communicate?

There are various reasons for communicating:

1. Sometimes we communicate to offer information about ourselves, such as, “I’m going out for a walk,” or “The dinner reservations are for 7:00.”
2. Sometimes we communicate to ask for help with tasks, such as, “I need to move the couch to clean under it and I can’t lift it. Would you help me?”
3. Sometimes we communicate to learn something about the other person, such as “Please help me to understand why you are feeling upset with me. I care about you and I really want to understand.”
4. Sometimes we communicate to ask for help regarding ourselves, such as, “I’m feeling very anxious and I don’t know why. Would you talk with me for awhile? Maybe if I talk about it I will understand it.”

For the most part, these forms of communication do not cause problems, unless there is an ulterior motive. An ulterior occurs when the intention of the communication is to have some control over the other person. When the intent of the above communications is to offer information, ask for help, or to learn, then there will likely not be problems. But these same communications can be spoken with an intent to control. The intent to control will be communicated through a harsh or judgmental tone of voice and through a hard, closed energy.

For example, “I’m going from a walk!” said with anger, has behind it an intent to control the other person through punishment. The real communication is “You have behaved in a way that is unacceptable to me so I am punishing you by withdrawing from you.” “The dinner reservations are for 7:00,” can be said in a tone that says, “…and you better be there.” Think about what you’ve read so far. Does it reinforce what you already know about communication problem? Or was there something completely new? What about the remaining paragraphs?

Asking for help in moving the couch can be either a request or a demand, depending upon the intent. A request can be answered, “Sorry, I’m really busy right now. I will help you later,” without repercussions. When the same thing is said as a demand, the other person is not allowed to say no without negative consequences.

You can ask someone why he or she is upset with you from a true desire to learn, or from an intent to control. When your intent is to control, you will likely argue with whatever the person says, trying to talk him or her out of the upset.

When you are upset, you can ask for help because you really do want to learn and take responsibility for your feelings, or because you want the other person to fix you, to take care of you, to rescue you. People often want to communicate their feelings to get the other person to change, rather than to learn and take responsibility for their feelings.

Problems with communication will always occur when the intent is to control. So when clients of mine say, “We can’t communicate,” I immediately know that one or both of them are coming from an intent to control in their communications. They are intent on trying to get the other person to change.

The intent to control often creates power struggles in relationships. While most people certainly want to be in control, they do not want to be controlled. So when one person is coming from the intent to control, the other person may respond with resistance. Power struggles result when one person behaves in a controlling way and the other person resists being controlled.

When one person is intent on controlling and the other gives in to keep the peace, it may seem like the relationship is working. However, the compliant person is often covertly angry and may resist in an other area, such as sexually. When you give yourself up to avoid conflict, you generally resent the person you give yourself up to, which doesn’t create the emotional intimacy necessary to feel sexually intimate.

Next time you want to communicate with your partner, ask yourself, “Why do I want to communicate?” If you discover that you are wanting to get the other person to change, consider doing your own inner work instead - deciding how to take care of yourself instead of trying to get your partner to change. You might discover that you get a far better result! So now you know a little bit about communication problem. Even if you don’t know everything, you’ve done something worthwhile: you’ve expanded your knowledge.

by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

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Have you ever wondered what exactly is up with Keeping Romance Alive In A Relationship? This informative report can give you an insight into everything you’ve ever wanted to know about Keeping Romance Alive In A Relationship. That men are from Mars and women from Venus is a fact established by studies conducted on romance and relationship. The difference between what a man is and what a woman expects him to be is too vast to bridge.

However, a solid relationship requires acceptance of the partner with all his/her follies. The initial tender thoughts and trust in each other slowly lead to stronger passionate feelings. For romance and relationship to bloom, it is imperative to have self-respect as well as respect for each other. Being true to each other, honesty in every aspect of life and above all, effective communication between the two of you, will lay a strong foundation for your relationship.

The soft romantic feelings blossom into intense emotions and ultimately cross the realm of a mere need for each other to seek a better life together in the future. A commitment leads to greater responsibilities for one’s actions. At the same time, such people lead a happier, healthier and more satisfied life with a partner by the side to share the good times and show support through tough times. Truthfully, the only difference between you and Keeping Romance Alive In A Relationship experts is time. If you’ll invest a little more time in reading, you’ll be that much nearer to expert status when it comes to Keeping Romance Alive In A Relationship.

Any relationship will have its fair share of arguments especially if there are two strong-headed persons with opposing views on issues. However, the manner of arguing will determine to a large extent the damage done to the relationship.
Be careful not to be contemptuous of your partner, hold a grudge or withdraw into a shell. Arguments should be healthy with some humour sprinkled to break the tension. Criticizing the action and not the person is seen in better perspective. Even if you do not agree with your partner, acknowledge that he is entitled to his own views and opinions. Most important, don’t break off communication between the two of you.

Romance and relationship can be nurtured with care for each other’s feelings, warm love and trust. I hope that reading the above information was both enjoyable and educational for you. Your learning process should be ongoing–the more you understand about any subject, the more you will be able to share with others.

by: Ravi Agrawal

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Imagine the next time you join a discussion about love and thanks. When you start sharing the fascinating love and thanks facts below, your friends will be absolutely amazed. A small favor for your guests to take home is not required but is a lovely gesture. What you choose to bestow is not as important as that it was given and presented with thoughtful care. Favors are a simple way to thank guests for sharing your special day with you and are sweet reminders of the celebration.

Many brides choose to give favors at a wedding luncheon or formal wedding dinner, where the guest list is a more intimate gathering of family and close friends. This allows you to put more time and money into meaningful keepsakes than if you tried to give a favor to every guest at a larger scale wedding reception. However, some brides opt to send home small favors with everyone who attends their reception.

Remember that with these tokens, what’s on the outside is just as important as what’s on the inside. Presentation is everything! Use ribbons, wrapping, boxes, bows, and bags to the best advantage. A wedding favor is another way to restate your wedding theme, so think of gifts that fit the style or mood of your wedding and wrap them in colors and ribbons that match the day.

The possibilities for wedding favors are endless. Wedding favors can be as elaborate or as simple as you choose. For the most formal occasion you might consider an engraved silver bell or personalized chocolate, while a bunch of cinnamon sticks tied with raffia would be perfect for a country affair.

Other ideas for wedding favors include the ever-romantic candle - a votive candle for each guest, or several long, thin tapered candles tied together with ribbon. A picture frame that matches your wedding theme would be perfect for the guests to take home to frame a picture from the wedding day. Edible favors are always a favorite! Truthfully, the only difference between you and love and thanks experts is time. If you’ll invest a little more time in reading, you’ll be that much nearer to expert status when it comes to love and thanks.

Confetti to throw at the departing couple is a favorite tradition, and confetti of many kinds can be packaged as a wedding favor. Birdseed can be placed in small sachet bags and the contents tossed at the couple at the end of the evening. Sweet-smelling rose petals matching the colors of the wedding, boxed to perfection and tied with beautiful ribbon, make a lovely token of remembrance.

Other brides provide each guest with a bottle of blowing bubbles. A sky full of floating bubbles can make a fairytale-like escape for the couple as they leave the reception. For a summer night departure, or after-dark winter sendoff, have guests light sparklers and stand in a row, lighting the path to the couple’s car with magical firelight.

Favors can be distributed in different ways. You can set the small gifts at each place setting at a luncheon or dinner. In this case, they can double as place cards or dress up a table setting. Alternatively, you can carefully bundle or prettily pile together on a table at a convenient location for guests to take one on their way home.

The presentation of favors is one of the most memorable and gracious gestures at a wedding. Give unique and thoughtful gifts that create special memories of your special day. Now might be a good time to write down the main points covered above. The act of putting it down on paper will help you remember what’s important about love and thanks.

by: Margene Petersen

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