It’s easy to understand why, in an inequitable relationship, the superior partner might be dissatisfied. After the first blush of love wears off, he or she looks around and feels deserving of a much better deal. But what about the inferior partner? Shouldn’t he or she feel darn lucky to have bagged such a great mate? Supposedly, yes, but in reality, the inferior partner will wind up worried, insecure, and always afraid of not measuring up.
This is true not only in marriages. Researchers interviewed 500 dating couples at the University of Wisconsin to determine whether their partners brought more, less, or equal assets to the relationship. The more equitable the partner’s assets, the happier the couples were. If one of the partners was much richer or more attractive, there was an imbalance, and discontent soon set in.
Insidious things start happening and the inequality monster starts eating away the love. In inequitable marriages, partners start taking advantage of the relationship to even the score. The ‘’superior” partner might start to make subtle demands, like feeling entitled to conversation whenever he or she wants it or solitude whenever the mood strikes. A superior wife might get lazy with verbal expressions of love and affection or withhold sex. If she is already giving more than her husband, she figures subconsciously, “Why should I work harder to make his sex life fulfilling?” A superior husband might even feel justified embarking on an extramarital affair. After all, he tells himself, “I deserve more.”
The poor inferior in the relationship is doomed to living a life of insecurity about their love or having to “swallow it” whenever the partner decides to take advantage of the relationship. The happiness at having bagged such a great mate soon turns into the day-to-day reality of always being number two. It’s no fun being number two and spending your life trying harder.
Princess Di and Charles certainly did their bit to destroy the myth of the joy of marrying the prince. And in Hollywood, where one’s market value changes daily like the NASDAQ, divorce is practically as common as marriage.
Let’s say you’re an American princess with lots of money and good looks. You fall in love with the handsome, sensitive plumber who comes to fix the pipes on Daddy’s yacht. Because you believe in true love, you marry him. Now, obviously you call the shots in the relationship, like choosing where to vacation and what kind of car to buy. At first you both consider it fair for you to make the decision because, after all, Daddy’s money is paying for it.
But Sensitive Plumber has pride. As time goes by, his ego can’t take it. Even though he felt lucky when he married you, the love affair ends in bitter divorce. You really didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t, either. He’s a nice guy. You played fair. It’s just that the inequity overwhelmed the two of you. He winds up much happier with the waitress from the coffee shop.
